Monday, November 26, 2007

Open Letter to a Friend

While shopping after church yesterday, I ran into a friend I hadn't seen in a while. In a two minute conversation while my children were pushing my cart into other shoppers, she told me some very disturbing news. Here is what I wish I had been able to say to her. Maybe I'll still get the chance, maybe she'll read it here, or maybe it applies to more people than just her. Maybe some of you will join me in praying for my friend.

Open Letter to a Friend

You are still grieving the unexpected loss of your brother. You are very emotional right now, and you shouldn't be rushing to make any important decisions. When you say that the loss of your brother has pushed you to decide that "life is too short" to waste - via being held back in your worship of God... I don't understand that. I'm sure there is more to the story, but since this is what you've told me.... How about life being too short to completely shatter the foundation of your children's existence? How about life being too short to be selfishly focused on your grief? So focused on your own self, in fact, that others are enduring huge storms because of it, and you say that you know you have made the right decision. You won't be held back anymore, you say. Where is God here? He's not at the center of your life.

Your situation does not meet the biblical requirements for divorce, if what you told me is a true representation of the situation. I don't hesitate to say this because you are a professing Christian. Your husband is, by all appearances, a loving husband. I know him to be a wonderful father. I've often stood in admiration of his relationships with his children. Your daughter, a young woman now, still very much needs the stability of her parents. Most importantly, she needs to see that her mother has a close relationship with God. Instead she is seeing some scary stuff from her parents and I am sure she is having a difficult time reconciling what she's been taught by you with what she sees the two of you doing now.

Your family has been ripped apart. How can this be God's will? Yes, I will indeed pray for you as you asked. I am praying that you put God in the center. I am praying that you can separate your feelings of grief and anxiety (stemming from your brother's death) from your relationship with your husband. I am praying that you don't go through with this divorce, that you will come back humbled and willing to work through the problems in your marriage.


Ron and Ginny said...

It takes a lot of love to say something like that to someone. I hope she hears it and that she realizes the truth and love behind it.

Don and Lynn said...
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Farmer Blu's Wife said...

That is called tough love. We need to be more direct in our communications on issues like this. It is hard to say, at least harder than just comforting.

I am looking forward to reading some from the links in your last post.

By the way, there is something for you over at